Mike Russell is a freelance writer from Portland, Oregon. He asked me to take a look at his professional biography to see if a set of “fresh eyes” could yield any improvements.
Original version of Mike’s bio
I help service professionals, consultants, and innovators to align their stories with their ideal clients, refine their sales funnels, and expand their online reputations.
I’m convinced that the best results, the most durable change, and the greatest common good all emerge from there.
I love helping talented professionals write a bio, an article, or other marketing collateral that puts their best foot forward, and connects magnetically with the people whom they can help the most. The world needs more people avidly pursuing their passions.
For me, success comes when my clients are as delighted with my work as I am.
Post-project praise like this affirms that I’m heading in the right direction, professionally:
“You are seriously one of the best copywriters I have ever encountered,”
“Not only is he immensely talented as a copywriter, but he’s easy and fun to work with,” and
“We appreciate sharing the weight and having you on the team!”This path hasn’t always been so clear. When I started out as a freelance writer, I tried to project the ‘right’ professional image. Though professionalism is important, I believe that people prefer to do business with ‘real people’. Familiarity, a healthy whimsy, and an incurable curiosity all inform my writing.
I was the kid who loved the book reports and essays. Although that didn’t score points with my peers, it paved the way for a career as a professional writer.
Though I live, work, and play in Portland, Oregon, I love to collaborate with professionals, consultants, and innovators everywhere. If we ever meet in person, remember that I have an exploitable weakness for unorthodox pizza.
Revised Version of Mike’s Bio
I’m a copywriter with a difference: I write for clients who believe the world needs more people avidly pursuing their passions.
I help these service professionals, consultants, and innovators align their stories with their ideal clients, refine their sales funnels, and expand their online reputations. That can take the form of a great bio, article, or other marketing material that puts the client’s best foot forward, and connects magnetically with the people whom they can help the most.
For me, success comes when my clients are as delighted with my work as I am. Praise like this affirms that I’m heading in the right direction:
- “You are seriously one of the best copywriters I have ever encountered”
- “Not only is he immensely talented as a copywriter, but he’s easy and fun to work with”
- “We appreciate sharing the weight and having you on the team!”
I was the kid who loved the book reports and essays. Although that didn’t score points with my peers, it paved the way for a career as a professional writer.
But my path hasn’t always been clear. When I started out as a freelance writer, I tried to project the ‘right’ professional image. Though professionalism is important, I believe that people prefer to do business with ‘real people.’ Familiarity, a touch of whimsy, and an incurable curiosity all inform my writing.
Though I live, work, and play in Portland, Oregon, I love to collaborate with professionals, consultants, and innovators everywhere. If we ever meet in person, remember that I have an exploitable weakness for unorthodox pizza.
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Suggestions for Mike
Mike’s a talented copywriter, so it’s no surprise that his bio was already well-written. I didn’t change a lot in his bio: it involved more rearranging than rewriting. I also replaced some jargon words with plain words (e.g. “marketing material” instead of “marketing collateral”).
There was only one sentence that ended up on the cutting room floor:
I’m convinced that the best results, the most durable change, and the greatest common good all emerge from there.
It’s a good sentence, but I just couldn’t find a place where I thought it added value. I tried attaching it to the end of paragraph two, but decided it had the effect of weakening the paragraph’s impact (sometimes less is more).
I love how Mike’s heart-centered approach is reflected in his bio. That will have the effect of attracting like-minded clients – just the people he wants to work with.
I also love how Mike’s whimsical sense of humor shows up in statements like “I was the kid who enjoyed the book reports… which didn’t score points with my peers” and “remember that I have an exploitable weakness for unorthodox pizza.”
Mike might want to replace this testimonial “We appreciate sharing the weight and having you on the team!” with something stronger. On his website Mike has fantastic testimonials that have more “punch” than the “on the team” one. I particularly like the one from Frank that said Mike’s writing is not the standard boring corporate stuff.
Thanks Mike
I really enjoyed working on your bio, and I hope you like it!
WONDERFUL, Barbara!
I’m impressed, and I’m looking forward to reading more of your critiques.
(And thanks for the encouragement. We *can* do good while we do well.)
Bravo.